Gimme the Good Stuff!!

I came home from my CD2 doc's appt on Tuesday with a vast assortment of syringes and needles. What a weird thing to have just laying around the house....

This cycle is when things start to get really real. We need this to work, and fast. For one, we lose our good (amazing, fabulous, best thing going for us right now) insurance on Dec 1, when Husband becomes eligible for the crappy insurance at his new job. This week I am going to try and see if there is any way we can keep the good insurance, rather than accepting the bad... but I don't think so. We have this cycle, and the next... and then we are SOL, at least until Husband can get back to his old job. The second reason it's getting real is because I expressed my concern about the first issue to the NP that "cycles me" and she has decided that we need to step up the drugs, skip over step two (which would have been Femara), and go straight to the good stuff... injections.

I started on Wed (which was CD3), and went back in yesterday for some monitoring. Right now I've got some follies happening, so that's fabulous. I had one that was 12mm (pretty good), one that was 10 (good) and a BUNCH of smaller one. I don't know if any of those will actually do anything, but maybe. Right now I am hoping that I release 2 or 3, but I'd be happy with one.... I'd be happy with anything I can get.

We just need this....

It is mildly terrifying. I am scared of getting over stimulated, and I am scared of getting pregnant with multiples. I've had three medical professionals tell me, in the last 5 days, that I am at a very "high risk" for multiples. I think it would be a little less scary if they didn't use the phrase "high risk". I don't know... I just want a baby... can I just have that??

In other, totally ridiculous news, that I told Kate I'd definitely be venting about. I found out that someone I know is pregnant again. Oh? Pregnant again you say? Not such a big deal...people do have more than one child. Oh yea? Their other child is barely out of the womb!! Oh, and they are unemployed, high school drop outs... yea.. no big deal. The best was the way I was told... it was phrased to me as "I have some great news, wanna hear" from another relative. WHEN I ASK, WHEN, WOULD THIS EVER BE GREAT NEWS TO ME!?!?! You want to know when... never. NEVER! I know that I shouldn't be mad about other people getting pregnant, and I'm not really even jealous, I'm just baffled. Baffled at life's little unfairities (yea... I made that word up).

Let's seeee.... no, nothing else is really going on with me. I have another appointment on Monday to see how my follies are doing, and I will have my IUI at some point next week. I'm just a ball of emotions, as usual. I wish I could be hopeful, but sometimes it just feels like I go through the motions each month with no real hope of actual getting pregnant. I'm ready for it, Husband is ready for it... come on baby! Be ready to come to us!!

Oh... this is cycle number 20 since I went off birth control... that's a special little thought for me to keep in my mind... lucky number 20...maybe...hopefully?

Third Times a Charm? Hopefully....

So, I've been not so great at keeping this thing updated, but I've got a couple of excuses...lol.

School has been insane!! Luckily, I will be done with my student teaching in about a month and a half, and then after one more standardized test, and some paperwork, I will be a fully qualified, fully unemployed, fully teachery teacher!! I'm super excited, although I'd be a bit more thrilled if I had a job lined up. Right now I'm planning on subbing, which is a great job that involves no responsibility or planning after each day is over! That's my kind of job!!

Aside from that I've pretty much just been so down about fertility that I haven't wanted to depress everyone else with my crappy thoughts, lol. I've been doing with the "if you don't have anything nice to say" approach, but I figured today I could break the silence a bit.

This morning we found out that cycle 2 was a bust.

It sucks, bit time. "Sucks" doesn't even cover it, but since I don't want to burn anyone's eyes with what I want to say, so I'll leave it at that.

The big decision now is whether we want to step up the fertility drugs this month. I've got mixed feelings about it, since there is a chance of getting overstimmed, andddddd since we lose our insurance in two months, a cancelled cycle is the last thing we need. No matter what we decide I am done with clomid, it thins out my uterine lining too much, and is probably the reason that the last two cycles have failed.

So... that's where we stand. We feel like we're stuck behind some window watching as all our friends effortlessly get pregnant.

We are trying to stay hopeful, but we know there is a chance that we may be waiting a long, long time for this.