Friday, January 22, 2010

Thankful...errr...Friday and IComLeavWe

Hi IComLeavWe-ers! As usual I am a day late and a dollar short, lol.
Welcome to my page, If you didn't see on the Stirrup-Queens page, my blog is mainly about male factor infertility and sometimes about loss, with just a sprinkling of my experiences teaching thrown into the mix. Feel free to checkout the timeline located on the left hand side of the page to get a general idea of our infertility journey. I recently started a new segment called Thankful Thursdays which I managed to get out on time for 2 weeks... that's pretty much typical. Hope you enjoy :D

Appropriately enough, Thankful Thursday (Friday) this week is all about the amazing online IF communities that I found.

The online infertility communities that I am involved in have been the only reason I have stayed sane over the last two years. They are my lifeline. I know I can almost find one person online that I can talk to about what I am feeling. I also know that when I do find another IFer to talk to, that they won't judge my feelings, which is something hard to find when dealing with fertility in general. I've talked to my online IFers numerous times about the fact that we are so glad to have found each other, even if we wish it had been under different circumstances.

I'd like to give a couple of special shout outs to women without whom I would have totally gone crazy through my infertility journey :D

Kate: You are amazing! I hope you know you are. Thanks for listening to me cry, complain, laugh, cry more, and be angry darn near every day over the last couple of years. You are an amazing mom already, and someday we'll both look back at this crazy journey and, well... we probably won't laugh, but we'll flip off the past and just be happy with our babies :D Oh, and thanks for taking me around Baltimore! You're awesome!

Andrea: We are so alike it scares You've pulled me through a lot of hard times. I am so very glad that you are pregnant!! You are going to be an amazing mom. Thanks for helping me keep the faith :D You always leave me smiling (that's what she said ;0 )

Melissa: Yay!! Someone who lives in my timezone! haha!! Boo for someone else who has to deal with male factor, it's a big lame suckhole, but I am glad that I finally have someone to totally relate to... I know that have to relate over that sucks :(
It also sucks that we are both on our forced break, but I know that one day we'll get through that, and we'll eventually have beautiful little DI babies which we can hopefully take to Disneyland...and we'll all eat at the Blue Bayou, right? RIGHT?

Courtney and Tamara: Thanks to both of your for your ongoing listening and advice, and congrats again on your beautiful, beautiful babies :D

If I've forgotten anyone I'm really sorry. Just know that I am grateful for every single person I've met during this crazy journey :D

Because you have found this site, I'm guessing most of you are at least involved in some type of online IF community, if not, I highly suggest you get involved, not only for the support but for the infertility awareness. There are lots of great sites out there with tons of great advice, and people who will listen to your IF journey and not judge, and not make comments we are all tired of hearing!! (bitter? me? no way!!)

Have a great weekend everyone!! And a great IComLeavWe week!

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Thankful Thursday #2

Well, it's already become apparent to me that I am going to be really bad about this whole post every Thursday thing, but I am trying. Today has been a little crazy, but I know I've got to keep this going!

So, without further adieu, my thankful Thursday for this week is dedicated to....

My mom :D

I have always been very close with my mom, and now that I am an adult, I am so happy that she is also one of my best friends. When I was 4, my parents divorced, and my mom took on the tedious role of raising me while working full time. She did a fabulous job, if I do say so myself :D
We of course had our rough spots... I think we'd both like to erase 7-9th grade from our memories... but overall we have remained very close, and I know that she is someone I can turn to for help in any situation.
The last couple of years have really shown what a great mom and friend she is. Infertility is such a touchy subject, and I know that families struggle with how to talk to their daughters, sons, brothers, sisters, ect. who are going through it. My mom has done an amazing job. She has never tried to give advice on the subject. She's stated several times that she has no idea about it, and therefore shouldn't be telling me what I should do. She 100% supports us using donor sperm, and has 100% listened to me ramble on and on and on and onnnnnn about babies, ttc and fertility over the last two years. She is one of only 3 people, outside of the IF community, that I know I can call with my infertility gripes, and she'll listen without judging.
I know that my children will be very loved by their Grammie, and that they will creat many great memories together.

<3 Love you Mommo

Tuesday, January 12, 2010


Last night I had the fabulous opportunity to attend the RESOLVE peer-led support group in my area. I am already in love with it, lol. It is so nice to be around people who understand, really, REALLY (unfortunately) understand.

I have, unfortunately, gotten to the point where it is really hard for me to talk to people who aren't going through infertility about what is going on with us because I get too frustrated! I try not to, and I know that people's advice is (for the most part) meant with good intentions, but every time I hear "you're still so young, you've got time" or "just relax" I want to scream!! I obviously know Pat and I are young to be going through this... I know we still have "plenty of time"... I know it, and don't need to hear it from other people lol. Sorry, just had to vent a bit :D

Buuutttt I digress. The group was really good. I think there was 5 of us, and we just sat around and talked and laughed. There was no crying, which is nice lol, especially since I've become such a crier lately. I know there were a lot of regulars who weren't there last night, and some new people that couldn't be there, but it was really nice. I guess it's always nice to be around like-minded people.

Let me also make a point of saying that this experience really put me in my place. I know my situation sucks, but wow... why do such good people have to go through such shitty things. More specifically, why can't treatment be affordable? It doesn't have to be cheap... just reasonable. I've talked about this a bit before, and one of our discussion topics last night was about giving back to the infertility community once we have reached our goals. Just being at that meeting made me want to be involved in something like this so much more. It's so unfair to see women who would be magnificent parents waiting years and years just to save up money for one round of IVF! I don't know how I'd go about setting something up, and we discussed how we could all do something as a group, but I just think it is such a great idea. Some way to give back to a couple, or a woman who desperately wants, but is unable to afford treatment. It really made me count my blessings, and realize that even though we can't afford treatment now, that someday we will get our good insurance back, and will be able to afford it then.

Nothing new is really going on at this point. Work started back up yesterday. I'm just substitute teaching, and so far have picked up two jobs for this week. We'll see how steady the work is, I'm hoping I can at least work 3 days a week.

I'm going to post up some links on here, just in case you happen to be looking for a peer-led RESOLVE support group, or are looking for a possible fertility treatment "scholarship"

RESOLVE - Main Site
You can find local info by clicking on the side link by that name

The Tinina Q. Cade Foundation, Inc. - They have a few different grant options, some go up to $10,000, applications will be up in the Summer it looks like.

Parenthood for Me - This site is currently accepting applications for Summer grants.

Hope those help!!

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Thankful Thursday #1

I've noticed that a lot of times this blog is just one big ol' pity party, so I've decided to create a new weekly blog called THANKFUL THURSDAY ( I know you can see it in the title... but repetition is good right?). Some Thursdays might be more serious, some not so much. Some might be short and simple, while others might require some explanation. I'm hoping I will stick with this... and hoping that it will pull me out of my frequent pity parties, and help me realize just how much I really have. And with that... let the first Thankful Thursday begin with my thankfulness for...


My Husband
Yea, I know, not the most creative first Thankful Thursday post, but pretty much the most important.
My husband is someone that I am incredibly privileged to know. He's my knight in shining armor, and all that cheesy stuff. He might piss me off more than anyone else I know (well... maybe more than anyone, although at this moment, maybe not), but he also makes me laugh more than anyone. We've been together for 9 years, and every day I learn something new about him... I never get tired of learning. The last two years have been hell, and yet, with him by side, I know we'll get through whatever is thrown at us. He likes to remind me that without him, I could have avoided the last two years of pain. He has said that he thinks I should leave, that he thinks he is forcing me to miss out on a normal pregnancy and child raising experience. He doesn't realize that I wouldn't have it any other way... okay... that's kind of a lie. I would take fertility... with him. If it's not with him, than I don't want it.
Once we were talking about what life would be like without each other and he said he could never imagine getting to know someone again as well as he knows me, and I completely agree. I can't imagine it, and I don't want to. He is all I want and all I need. He is the father of my future children, and I realize that it might not be the "normal" way of having babies... but who wants normal right?
I am so thankful that every day I am lucky enough to have him in my life.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

New Years Resolutions and Delurking!

Hi Lovelies!

First, I am going to make a quick mention to the fact that this is National Delurking Week. I myself am really bad about reading blogs and never commenting them or choosing to follow them, but still reading them all the time. So, if you are out there, and you sometimes read this blog, leave a comment, even if it's just to say hi :D Happy Delurking!!

So, I decided I would write down some resolutions on here... not that that means I'll keep them, but I think that since I am my blog's biggest fan, I'll at least see them often enough to maybe want to try for them.

1. To lose 25 pounds - I figured I'd start with the one that I am least likely to follow through on. I always want to lose weight, although I guess I've been told by more than one person that if I REALLY wanted it, I would do it. Well, I'm starting off right. I got a Wii Fit Plus from my mom for Christmas, and have really been making an effort to do it each day. I have also been adding a 2 mile walk with the dogs in each day, and changing my eating habit, so we'll see how it goes. I'm hopeful!!

2. Read 25 books - Really I should be able to do more than this, especially since I've already gotten through 2 this year. But it seemed like a good place to start.

3. Take my GRE's and apply for a Masters Program - This is just something I know I need to do. Right now I'm not working full time, so there is no better time to get ready for some awesome standardized testing, right? I can't decide what I want to get my Masters in, so... that'll probably be the bigger decision. I'm thinking as a reading specialist, or something to do with English learners.

4. Get (and stay) pregnant (for 9 months... then bring home a baby) - Sorry, just had to sneak that one in there...

5. Get myself back to church- I am going to start attending a "healing" group this week, and am really hoping it gets me back into a comfy relationship with God.

6. Be an infertility awareness advocate- Not just for me, but for people in general. I am actually not totally sure how to do this, lol, but I've got some ideas. I am going to start going to a support group that RESOLVE offers, and I am going to try and be more diligent about writing on this blog and on my Fertility Authority blog, and I am also planning on volunteering some time for RESOLVE. Those should get me started.

Lucky Number 7: Start my book... yea, I know, crazy... but hey, what is life if not crazy? More to come on this later... this post is getting wayyyy to long.

Wow... can I just say that I love the movie Baby Mama... even though it deals with pregnancy and babies... it also deals a hell of a lot with infertility...
One of my favorite lines "these hormone injections make me wanna punch you in the face right now"... oh Tina Fey!

So, that's the deal. That's my deal. Yay 2010!! Let's do this!!!

My Aunt Jane Knows More Than My RE ----- I stole this from C :D

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