Saturday, June 27, 2009

Oh Golly!

It sure has been a long time since I have updated!! Bad blogger, bad! BAD!

So... actually there has been a whole lot, annnddd a whole lotta nothing going on.

First and foremost, while I will not be changing the name of the blog yet again, our family building option has changed. After much a late night of soul searching, as well as many many talks with friends, we have decided that (we think) we are going to use sperm donor. I know... shocking, right?

I was against it when we initially discussed it, and so was Pat... we wrote it off pretty darn quick. I just as quickly (we almost) resigned myself to never being pregnant. I stopped looking at maternity clothes online, I stopped wondering if the Kaiser in the next town over would EVER open it's brand spankin' new maternity ward, and I stopped thinking that I would get to watch my growing belly.

Well, imagine my surprise when my lovely husband came home one day and stated "I want you to be pregnant", my immediate response was "NOW?!". He said not quite now, but that he did want it. He had been talking with a couple friends who said they couldn't imagine missing the experience of their wives being pregnant, that they couldn't imagine missing the classes, that they could imagine missing their child come into the world. Hubby wants that, and he wants that for me! At first I was stunned. But I soon realized that I wanted it too. It's hard to imagine, knowing somewhere in my mind that the child that will grow in me wont biologically be Husbands, but at the same time it thrills me beyond all belief to know that I may actually get to be pregnant!! HOLY CRAP!!!! ME! PREGNANT!

My fear when the idea first came up was that Hubby would feel isolated. If we went with adoption we'd be going through the same process together. The child would not be either of ours biologically. With donor, I'm just worried he'll freak out someday, and not want to be a part of the baby's (child's) life. A huge part of me knows that would never happen. 99.9999% knows that Husband will love our children with all his heart no matter what, but it's that damn little percent that bugs me. I brought it up to Husband, he said he's scared too, but that's just because so much is unknown. Right now, I can live with that answer.

We had talked about putting all the baby stuff on break, talked about waiting till next year. Give us both time to regain our sanity. Now I'm not sure that'll happen (the waiting or the sanity). Husband still isn't working, but he actually does have some prospects, so that's a very good thing. We've also gotten in touch with our RE about a consultation. It's scary, but exciting.

It's been such a change, all of the things I'd written off our now back on the table. Each day I think of something else that I had told myself millions of time to forget about forever. I can't wait to remember more!!!

Off the baby topic... I am teaching swim lessons as a summer job, yay money!

ANDDDD tomorrow is our one year wedding anniversary!!!! YAY!!! We are too poor to buy each other anything, but we are going to go to dinner, yay sushi!!

Random side note... I asked Hubby why this first year of our marriage had to be the crappiest of our almost 9 years together. He answered "So the worst will be over with and the rest of our lives can be amazing!"

I <3 My Hubby :D

Bye Lovelies! Love you all!

Thursday, June 4, 2009

"Have a fun Summer"

"Stay Sweet"

I really felt the urge to write both of these in the yearbooks belonging to the kids in my class today, the last day of school, but I wrote nice things like "It was great having you in class" and "You'll do great in sixth grade". It was, as I expected super bittersweet. I didn't cry, I was in a great mood all day. I went to one of the other school for a while in the middle of the day to watch the Kindergarten program that I was invited to, and when I got back my class was all ready with a surprise for me. This is where my emotions almost got the best of me. I was shocked. The little punks (that's a complete term of endearment) had chipped in money and gotten me a canvas tote (ahhh near and dear to my heart) with pictures of the class on it, a coffee mug signed by all of them (because "all good teachers love coffee") a picture frame with pictures, a teacher blanket, and a memory book that they wrote in a drew pictures. I was so happy. Robyn, my Master Teacher extraordinare, got me a bunch of teaching supplies, and a little digital photo viewer with pics of all the kids. It was fabulous! I will miss that class so much, it's going to be tough getting used to new kids in the fall, but I'm excited :D

OH! what? This is an adoption blog? Sorry, I forgot for a minute. I got so busy talking about the 28 kids I already have that I forgot my normal preoccupation with the babies in my future.

So, on Tuesday we went to our Foster/Adopt class. It was so much info, so overwhelming. I am probably going to have to write a separate blog about it lol, since it's late, and I knew I shouldn't have started a blog right now. But, the info was good. There weren't many people there, and only one other woman stayed for the actual adoption part. It's going to be a long hard process. They said it can take up to 2 years for an adoption to go through, and that the child can be removed from the home at any time during those years if the parents are deemed able to parent. And, I know that is supposed to be good, the best thing for the child, but the woman speaking was very real about the fact that we would feel very torn by this because they are probably not going back to a good situation, the state is only looking at the most basic standards of care. She told us that we just have know that for the time the child was with us that we made a positive difference in their lives. UG! So difficult! We still aren't even sure that this is the way we are going to go, but I am really glad that we went to the class. We are going to a class at a private agency (hopefully, if Husband is up for it) on Tuesday. We'll see, we might wait until next month for that one. I am learning that I need to take this slow, it's very overwhelming, have I said that already?

Also! I got my new netbook! It's pretty amazing. I am pretty sure this one is male, my initial thought was a casual type of male, but it's design begs to differ, this is definitely a fancy guy, possibly British? I'm not sure. He has yet to be named. I hope I am not this bad at naming my children! Cripes!

My Aunt Jane Knows More Than My RE ----- I stole this from C :D

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