It sure has been a long time since I have updated!! Bad blogger, bad! BAD!
So... actually there has been a whole lot, annnddd a whole lotta nothing going on.
First and foremost, while I will not be changing the name of the blog yet again, our family building option has changed. After much a late night of soul searching, as well as many many talks with friends, we have decided that (we think) we are going to use sperm donor. I know... shocking, right?
I was against it when we initially discussed it, and so was Pat... we wrote it off pretty darn quick. I just as quickly (we almost) resigned myself to never being pregnant. I stopped looking at maternity clothes online, I stopped wondering if the Kaiser in the next town over would EVER open it's brand spankin' new maternity ward, and I stopped thinking that I would get to watch my growing belly.
Well, imagine my surprise when my lovely husband came home one day and stated "I want you to be pregnant", my immediate response was "NOW?!". He said not quite now, but that he did want it. He had been talking with a couple friends who said they couldn't imagine missing the experience of their wives being pregnant, that they couldn't imagine missing the classes, that they could imagine missing their child come into the world. Hubby wants that, and he wants that for me! At first I was stunned. But I soon realized that I wanted it too. It's hard to imagine, knowing somewhere in my mind that the child that will grow in me wont biologically be Husbands, but at the same time it thrills me beyond all belief to know that I may actually get to be pregnant!! HOLY CRAP!!!! ME! PREGNANT!
My fear when the idea first came up was that Hubby would feel isolated. If we went with adoption we'd be going through the same process together. The child would not be either of ours biologically. With donor, I'm just worried he'll freak out someday, and not want to be a part of the baby's (child's) life. A huge part of me knows that would never happen. 99.9999% knows that Husband will love our children with all his heart no matter what, but it's that damn little percent that bugs me. I brought it up to Husband, he said he's scared too, but that's just because so much is unknown. Right now, I can live with that answer.
We had talked about putting all the baby stuff on break, talked about waiting till next year. Give us both time to regain our sanity. Now I'm not sure that'll happen (the waiting or the sanity). Husband still isn't working, but he actually does have some prospects, so that's a very good thing. We've also gotten in touch with our RE about a consultation. It's scary, but exciting.
It's been such a change, all of the things I'd written off our now back on the table. Each day I think of something else that I had told myself millions of time to forget about forever. I can't wait to remember more!!!
Off the baby topic... I am teaching swim lessons as a summer job, yay money!
ANDDDD tomorrow is our one year wedding anniversary!!!! YAY!!! We are too poor to buy each other anything, but we are going to go to dinner, yay sushi!!
Random side note... I asked Hubby why this first year of our marriage had to be the crappiest of our almost 9 years together. He answered "So the worst will be over with and the rest of our lives can be amazing!"
I <3 My Hubby :D
Bye Lovelies! Love you all!
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