I Survived

A couple nights ago the Hubs and I climbed into bed semi early-ish to just lay and talk. About 10 minutes after we laid down, I got the call I've been watching and waiting for. The call that my best friend was going into labor. My best friend who, along with her husband, has been with me every step of the way through my infertility journey. They are more than friends, they are family and yet I have been simultaneously dreading and hoping for this pretty much since the day we found out she was pregnant.
I pretty much immediately went into survival mode, mostly because I was the designated night time babysitter of her toddler and had to get my stuff packed for the next day and scoot my booty over to their house (I seriously should have packed a "ready to go to the hospital" bag for myself... or, I guess, a "ready to babysit while your friend goes to the hospital" bag). Their toddler, hereafter to be known as The Tot, was already asleep so I pretty much did the same. The next morning while I was getting ready for work I got a text that the baby should be born within the hour... I cried. A couple hours later I got a text picture of a fabulously healthy, beautiful new baby. I cried. I went home at lunch. I cried. After a couple more moments throughout the day, I pulled myself together and Hubby and I headed to the hospital to meet the newest member of our second family. The entire way there I told myself it was okay to cry, they'd understand. We got there and I looked at that brand new tiny little dude and... I didn't cry. I DIDN'T CRY! That was pretty much the shock of a lifetime. All I wanted to do was hold him, and I did, and it was fabulous. The only time I almost cried was when Pat held him, but that always makes me a little teary eyed anyway... it's just so darn cute to see.
I hate the conflicted feelings that come with infertility. How can I simultaneously be so happy, and so sad at the same time? So excited and yet so angry? It defies nature. I am still having the ups and downs that come with a new baby that isn't mine, especially since I had that small glimpse of being pregnant at the same time my friend was, and knowing that I should be due in 10 weeks, but am not. I know there will be more ups and downs, there always is. But really I'm chalking this one up as a win, since I can actually be around the little dude and not totally break down.


If I knew I wouldn't get the virtual stab from everyone out there, I'd post a picture of the little cutie patootie that, like his older brother, has totally stolen my heart. I can't wait to hold him lots more! Good thing his mommy is sympathetic to my craziness. For now I have one more day to hang out with The Tot before his little brother comes home to ruin his life, lol.

Advocacy - Again.

For some reason this seems to be the part of my resolutions that I have been keeping up on. I've got two new projects that I am going to work on.

The first one I found out about through one of the best fertility blogs out there, Stirrup Queens.
Project IF, which is an ongoing advocacy project run through RESOLVE, strives to get bloggers to unite and get talking about infertility and the challenges that we infertiles go through to build our families.
IF you'd like to participate, head on over to Stirrup Queens, read up on the full project and leave your "What IF".
The second part of the project will be announced later on this month, on both the RESOLVE and Stirrup Queen's websites.

The second advocacy project I'm going to work on is having a sock drive. That's right, you heard me, a sock drive. If you have been in the IF community for long, you've probably heard of these, and maybe even participated in one. If not, the idea is that us infertile girls spend wayyyy to much time with our feet up in stirrups, and that we should at least be able to look at pretty socks while we've got our feet up. I love the idea because it's simple, affordable... and because I have a weird sock obsession to begin with. So, I did a little searching and I found a really cool site that is all about donating socks to infertile girls (and maybe even guys... I know my hubby spend a fair amount of time on a table getting prodded). The site is, aptly name, Fertility Socks. It's set up really simply, with some good info, and a way to donate, as well as sign up to receive some socks.



My plan is to start my very own sock drive, and hopefully get a good box load to send to them. I'm going to post it on my Facebook, and hopefully I'll get a little bit of the idea of the whole thing out there...without just sounding like a total crazy freak :D

On the everything else side of things, nothing is new. I am anxiously awaiting official confirmation that I am a REAL fully credentialed teacher. They don't send me anything, no plaque, no certificate, but I'm still excited for it to tell me online that I am a real, qualified... unemployed teacher.
Nothing at all is happening on the baby frontier. I'd like to say that I'm not thinking about it, and just going about my merry way, but obviously that's a lie. I think about it all the damn time! It's never ending. Even when nothing is happening, and there are no plans for anything happening... it's still just always at the front of my mind.
I've been somewhat on the verge of another emotional breakdown, although I'm holding it at bay pretty well... I think. I think it has something to do with the fact that baby number #2 is about ready to arrive for my best friend, and being around her fabulously pregger belly is getting harder and harder. Especially because pretty much just cry every time I think about the baby actually arriving. It's such a... I don't even know... paradox? conundrum? pain in the ass? One side of me is DREADING the arrival, the other part of me just can't wait to meet the little guy. UG, infertility, you are a confusing skank indeed!

Oh gosh, sorry for this UBER long post. In other, other news, I've lost a couple more pounds (146, woot woot!!), and read a couple more books. I'm starting a new one now called Healing Mind, Healthy Woman (thanks a bunch to Melissa over at Banking On It for sending me a copy).

Okay... I'll stop boring your ears...errr eyes... off.

Hope all is well out there in the blogoverse!!

Don't forget that NIAW (National Infertility Awareness Week) is quickly approaching, April 24th-May 1st :D