Having said that, we are pretty hopeful lol, if that makes sense at all. I think once I explain the the "poo creek" is a hope of natural fertility, and the paddle is made of a giant sperm... or maybe the creek is the sperm, and the paddle is... oh nevermind, you get the picture... hopefully, or maybe hopefully not.
We have poor Husband's official diagnosis: severe hypospermatogenesis... ya, say that three times fast, or even one time fast, it's pretty difficult.
Basically it just means that there is little to no sperm production. We are still awaiting the call to find out if it actually is "little" or "no", but we have pretty much decided that our new action plan is adoption. For IVF to work (if there is any sperm) we'd have to do TESE, which is a search and rescue mission in the ball area to find the sperm. Since Pat's production is very limited at best the doc said it'd be fairly invasive since they'd be rooting around in there quite a bit... I haven't thought of a clever name like ballopsy or balltrasound for that one yet... kind of a ballsection? I dont know. After that'd we'd be looking at IVF with ICSI. ICSI is basically when they have to "incubate" the sperm outside of the body until they are all grown up and ready to do the deed. We've talked about this, and WOW, I think we might just pass up the crazy medical procedures and lowered chances of an IVF working and head straight down Adoption Ave. We aren't totally decided on this, and we know, from talking to the doc that he is still very unsure whether there is any sperm at all, in which case adoption isn't the most likely option, it is the ONLY option.
So like I said, we are many things right now
devastated, hopeful, scared, flabbergasted... so many other things, and most of them happening simultaneously.
I feel like it's not even my life. I was talking to a friend, and rattling off adoption facts, and I felt like I was just talking about something a friend was going through, or even just about something I had no connection with, but I guess I know that I do, it's just hard to accept. What step is that? denial? Maybe that's not a step, I think it's in the grief circle, not sure.
So, all of this being said, my blog is going through an identity crisis!!!! At this point I think "wishes of fertility" are pretty much non exsistent, and my "bfp dreams" are pretty much gone. I am currently thinking of new blog titles, and may even change the URL depending on what I come up with. Right now I'm liking "The Road Less Traveled" just because I really like the quote by Robert Frost.... although at the moment I feel a bit like this...