Monday, December 14, 2009

What a Week!!

Oh my gosh! This past week has been one of the hardest of my life. I honestly thought I was taking the miscarriage, and infertility in general pretty well, until it snuck right up on me and kicked me in the uterus. I have never spent so much time thinking that I hated my life, and wishing I could just erase the last couple of years. I can not stand being sad and depressed, and usually do a good job of pulling myself out of it, but wow...
I'm totally going to blame some of it on pms, since AF showed herself on Saturday. I had forgotten how unruly my body was when not on fertility meds, and I had been spotting for over a week when she made her official appearance. So, I am blaming some of my outrageous hormones on that.
I've come up with a plan though, to hopefully pull myself out of this funk. Well, when I say I've come up with a plan, what I mean is that my good friends have noticed my serious crappy state of mind and want me to seek some counseling, andddd that is what I'm going to do. Right now I'm just trying to figure out if I want to go through our medical insurance (I emailed my doc yesterday) or if I want to pursue counseling through the church I attend. Both have the pros, but I don't really feel like either have their cons. I am really trying to avoid medication, and am hoping I can deal with it all naturally. I feel really drawn to going through the church, even though they are not licensed counselors... I may just do both, lol.
My Hubs has been such a trooper through all of this. He's held me while I've cried, and made me laugh with ridiculous jokes. I am soooo thankful that I have a supportive husband who understands that I am a crazy, grieving, infertile woman who sometimes just freaks out for no reason at all. We celebrated 9 years together the other day, and vowed that we'd do all we could to make the rest of our years together infinitely better than the last couple have been. I know he'll make such an amazing father some day.

Oh! Shout out to a fabulous friend who got her bfp last week!!! YAY!!! Our flawed logic was totally correct! You deserve it lady!


  1. Tori, I know we already talked a little, but I just wanted to tell you again that I'm glad you're getting some counseling. It's helped me tremndously. I go to a counselor and to Resolve meetings, so it probably wouldn't hurt you to try both either.

    Still I'm sorry you have to deal with this at all. Hang in there. You know where to find me if you need anything.

  2. Just wanted to say, Always here for you, always will be. I Love You!


My Aunt Jane Knows More Than My RE ----- I stole this from C :D

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