4w5d - Rollercoaster

Oh my goodness!! I'm starting to feel like the infertility roller coaster was just the practice coaster before stepping up to the big leagues!
Pregnancy, even at this very very early stage, is insanely nerve wracking!! I am totally over analyzing every little thing. I try not to, but it's impossible.

The most frustrating part is that I want to be happy and excited, but I'm not :(
I just can't get my hopes up. I know that at any point something could go wrong... I can't stop the feeling of dread. I am really hoping that if things keep progressing for the next few weeks the way they are supposed to, that I'll eventually start feeling a little better.

So, in week 5 of my pregnancy, this is what I've got...

A baby... the size of an orange seed

Symptoms... like heart burn, incredibly sore breasts, some tiredness, and some crazy emotions

An ultrasound.... on Valentine's Day (which I'm really hoping goes well, or that will be one crappy holiday)

A husband... who is also having a hard time being happy, even though he wants to be.

A hope... that is could be the end of our wait.

Hopefully in the next few weeks things will get more interesting, in a good way.

Cautiously Optimistic...

Well, after a very interesting week I can at least go through my Friday feeling pretty decent.
Just as any average, crazed, IF beaten girl can be expected to do, I started testing last Saturday. I told myself it was stupid as I was doing it, but I couldn't help it.
Saturday night: light positive
Sunday: light positive
Monday-Wed: Progressively darker

OH! And more importantly. Tuesday I had a little issue that landed me in the ER, and while I was there they did a blood hcg.... a day early (winner, me!)

Tuesday (13dpiui): 144

I've been avoiding posting because last time my second beta is where things went wrong. My numbers started going crazy, up and down and up and down. I didn't want to post if it was going to be like that.
Well, I called this morning, at 6:30, of course, and....

Thursday (15dpiui): 541

I'm pretty pleased with that. More than tripled seems like a good progression. I'm still scared, and I'm sure I will be through this entire ordeal. But, at least I'm starting to let myself believe that I MIGHT have a baby in my future.

Symptoms:
headache
cramps (these scare me, even though apparently they are normal)
very mild heartburn/indigestion
very very mild nausea
tired

I am calling the nurse at the IF clinic later so that I can schedule an ultrasound. I'm still nervous that all will go wrong, like I heard the number wrong, or who knows what else...
But, I'm going to try and relax and enjoy this, and pray pray pray that this might be the time it works out :)

IUI #4 - Done and DONE!

Well, things yesterday went off without a hitch. The only crappy part was that Hubby wasn't able to be with me during the IUI, darn work. Actually, I take that back, I can't bad mouth a job that at least gives us some insurance....

SO, now I wait... wait and wait. Currently my whole life is waiting. Waiting on fertility treatments, waiting on news about my other health stuff. Waitttttttttingggg.

My first beta will be on the 26th...ahhh!!!
This cycle I'm noticing how tired the meds made me. Maybe it's because I've got more going on. I don't know. I've also been super emotional... and strangely not about the things that I probably should be upset about. Instead I notice myself tearing up at random moments in the book I'm reading, or during a tv show. Me no likey. I guess there is only more of that to look forward to.

My least favorite part of any cycle,the progesterone suppository part, starts tomorrow night. I really hate those little buggers. But, I will obviously take them diligently and act damn happy about it if they help get and keep me pregnant.

Over the next couple of weeks I've got a massive amount of school and work stuff going on, but I am definitely trying to not let the stress get to me. I think I'll be taking quite a few evening baths... not too hot of course... over the next couple of weeks.

Deep breaths... relaxing... positive thoughts :)

2011 Resolutions...and more issues

Well, I guess I'll start out by saying that I've had some health stuff come up... of course. Nothing is easy, and I don't expect it to be. I'm going to hold off on posting more about the stuff going on until I know more about it. Good news... we don't need to cancel the cycle. The testing, and even it's potential results shouldn't affect treatment or pregnancy. Still scary, but I'm honestly trying not to stress much until I've got some definite answers.

On to more exciting, or at least, less depressing stuff...

My fabulous, wonderful, awesome.... 2011 New Years Resolutions
Although I can't say that I fully met all of last years resolutions, having them here kept me a little more accountable.
LAST year my goals were...
1)Lose 25 pounds - I believe I lost about 15 since Jan, maybe 20. 24 total since I started to trying to lose weight 1.5 years ago. I'm feeling like I'm at a totally healthy weight now :)
2) Read 25 books... I didn't keep track of this well...I was darn close, if not there
3) Start Masters - Yup
4) Get and stay pregnant - obviously not :(
5) Get back to church - no, although I'm feeling decent spiritually
6) Be an infertility awareness advocate - not as much as I would have liked
7) Start my book - no.


THIS YEAR!!

1) Read 25 books in this, my 25th year. I'm already on book number 4. Have I mentioned that I got a Kindle yet?? If not, I did, and I love it.

2) Maintain a healthy weight. Right now I hover around 135-137. I want to keep it that way until I'm pregnant. Then I just want to maintain something healthy.

3) On that note... bring home a baby. Not really sure if I can resolve myself to do that anymore than I already have... but I will darn sure try :)

4) Graduate from my Masters program. I should be done in December... If I get pregnant and am due in fall/winter...that should be really interesting.

5) Attend professional development for teaching

6) Have a 2011-2012 contracted teaching job

7) Start my book... can't give that one up.

8) Keep staying crafty. I am LOVING crocheting, and wish I did it more. It's fun, and relaxing

9) all that other boring crap, lol... keep my house clean, eat healthy, blah blah blah. Stuff everyone wants to be better at :)

So, there ya have it. Those are my goals. I'm going to add a little widget about the books I've read :)

As for this cycle.
-Tonight (CD8) is my last night of Femara
-Approx. Sun-Tues (CD9-11) Bravelle/Menopur injections
-Approx. Tuesday HCG Trigger
-Approx. Thurs Donor IUI #4

I go in Monday morning for a follie scan. I'll post what I find out then :)

Hope everyone is having a productive and happy new year <3

Being Hopeless...

is apparently what I need so that things have a chance of working out, lol.

I got a call from my RE yesterday (while we were at Disneyland, woo hoo) that they'd be able to see me today, CD5, to start my cycle.
I went in this morning, and got things all set up. I am going to be doing a combination cycle of Femara and Bravelle, which is new, but I'm sure will be fine.
It's crazy that next week I'll be having my IUI... I had totally written off the chance of anything working out this month. I think that worked out for the best actually. We went to Disneyland without the stress of starting meds or anything treatment related. It was really nice to just hang out. It rained, at times it poured, but overall it was a great time. We ate delicious food, and saw World of Color, and had a hilariously (albeit mildly painful) ride on California Screamin' in the rain.
GOOD TIMES... and now hopefully a successful cycle... maybe....