8 weeks

The hardest part of all of this is the not knowing.
I've seen the little Pumpkin Seed, and heard it's beautiful heartbeat... but only once. Between then and now, WHO KNOWS what could be going on??
Could everything have gone wrong since then? I don't know...
I don't do well not knowing. I'm not the type of person who can live in blissful ignorance and be okay.
The thought of waiting two more weeks for an ultrasound seems like a LIFETIME away. It seems an impossible amount of time to wait.
I know that every woman goes through this, and maybe I shouldn't complain... but I am.
I'm worried that the progesterone is what is causing everything I'm feeling. I'm also worried about having to stop the progesterone on March 8th. I think I'll be weaning myself off of it, since some ridiculous part of my mind is certain that the progesterone is the only reason I'm staying pregnant.

Other than those little freak outs, here is what's going on.

Symptoms:
- PAINFUL boobs! That's pretty much been constant since about the time I got my bfp, but wow... sometimes it actually makes me wince. I've started wearing a sports bra to bed, and while they still hurt, at least they don't wake me up when I roll over at night.
- Sickness. For a while it was WAY worse at night. The only times I've actually barfed have been at night, but I actually think I've gotten that under control. Now the queasiness lasts pretty much all day. I'm still working on making that distinction of starving = barfy = eat. It's such a weird sensation.
- Cravings. Mostly just for random things. Things that seem like I HAVE to have them or I'll die. Some favorites so far... bean and cheese burrito, mashed potatoes and sauerkraut, sou.r pat.ch kids candy
- Exhaustion. This actually just recently started. I'm the type of person who is pretty much always a little tired, but this is definitely more than that.
- Emotions. Just all over the place.
- Constipation, heartburn, gas

I've got the mandatory prenatal class at the hospital on Wednesday. Husband can't go because they only offer it on Wednesday :(
I'm really not looking forward to it, but to set up my next appts I have to go.

Hopefully they'll give me some free stuff :)

Behold...

Our little Pumpkin Seed!

I think I can finally breathe... a little.

This was definitely the best Valentine's Day gift I could ever have hoped for.
I am measuring at 6w6d, which is exactly what I am supposed to be. We got to hear the little sprout's heartbeat, which was cruising along at 126.

I know we still aren't out of the woods. It's early. I know this is still a touch and go time... but at least we've got some more hope.

I signed up for my prenatal class, and now I need to choose and OBGYN.

OH... and my estimated due date is October 4th... Yay for all the holidays falling during maternity leave!!

I'll update more soon.

6w5d (almost)

I'm actually still on 6 weeks, 4 days, but it's night so I'm close.

Tomorrow morning at 9:30am I'll have my first ultrasound.

I'm terrified.

I just keep thinking that nothing will be in there. I have no reason to think that, but I just can't get it out of my mind.

If it goes well it'll be the best Valentine's Day EVER... if not... then the worst.

To add to all that fun I have a GNARLY cold!! I'm a teacher, so of course I have to expect that some of the little sickly children will rub their sickly little germies on me. BUT, I do not need this right now.

I am thinking about getting in the shower to get rid of some snot, hahaha... that's TMI, but who cares. I need to get it out.

Hopefully I will sleep well tonight, although honestly I haven't been sleeping well at all. Between my boobs hurting when I toss and turn and the CRAZY dreams I've been having... sleep has not been my friend.

Don't get me wrong here, I am so very happy that I am getting to experience pregnancy. I am totally fine with the nausea that comes and goes at the strangest of times, and I'm also fine with the non stop gas!!

I think that if tomorrow goes well that I'll be able to breathe A LITTLE. I know the next fews weeks are still going to be rocky... and by next few weeks I mean the next 33 give or take. Haha.

I'm realizing that this post is ALLLLL over the place. So, I'm just going to go sit in some warm water and then try to sleep.

Good night!! Wish me luck!

5w5d - Still Crazy

Well, I am quickly approaching my 6 week mark, and am feeling just as crazy as I have been since I got my BFP. I am trying as hard as I can to just enjoy this, but it's nearly impossible. My biggest fear, other than nothing on the ultrasound in ONE WEEK, is that all my symptoms are just from the progesterone suppositories (yuck) that I'm taking 2 times a day. I try to convince myself that this probably isn't very likely, but it's hard to believe myself sometimes :)

I will say that I have at least been reading WTE, and downloaded their little tracker app, and have looked at some other baby related stuff so that I can enjoy this potential little pumpkin seed a little bit. I think that if the ultrasound next week goes well I'll be able to breathe a little easier. I'm sure I'll be a stress case still, but at least I'll have had my "see it to believe it" moment.

So, at just under 6 weeks, this is what I've got going on.

A baby: The size of a sweet pea (awww)

Symptoms: Most noticeable - crazy boob soreness (yowza), and gas. Bad gas... bad gas cramps. Bad gas cramps waking me up at all hours of the night and making me take lots of a gas x. Other symptoms - VERY mild waves of nausea, HUNGRYYYYY all the time, peeing lots, tired a lot, bloated.

Emotions: All over the place. "Emtional" should probably be in the symptoms list, but I think part of it has to do with the hormones, and the other part is just general pregnancy stress.

A Husband: I think he's doing alright. He's excited, but trying not to be. I want him to enjoy it though.

An Ultrasound: NEXT MONDAY!!! AHHH!! Praying praying praying that we see a little bean in there!