It's A Guy Thing.

So...it has taken me 4 days (holy wowzers, has it only been 4 days) to get up the nerve to write about this, because that makes it seems a little more real, and real is something I'm currently against.
Now, I'll warn you that not all is known...so mostly this is a lot of overreaction on my part (kind of), so just bare with me.

So, the Husband went in for his Semen Analysis (SA) which I didn't even mention (except for the cup) in the last entries. I thought that of everything we did this would be the most insignificant and painless part of testing...

Prepare to be blind-sided...

As I sat here at my computer waiting for my Strep Test results Tuesday night, talking to K, and exhausting the web I got a familiar little ding that lets me know I have email. Thinking it's my strep results I click on it.
It was Husband's SA results... I perused them thinking I wont even have to worry about this...at the top there was the "collection" time, the read time, blah blah...then a lot of them are saying "NA" or "See Report", whatever... I dont know about this stuff....and then, the stomach punch.

Sperm Count: 0

ZERO?!?! This can't be right I thought... I looked at it again and again.... I spend a lot of my days teaching children how to correctly form their numbers, and let me just say that this was the most horrible zero I had ever seen in my life.

I started to get hot, and nauseous, I kept looking at it, I knew it was right, but I kept thinking that maybe they just left a number off of the front, and a five or six zeros off the end, HOW COULD IT JUST BE ZERO? I mean, there is stuff there!! I've seen it (TMI) I know something happens!

So, I freaked out, and cried, and eventually after hiding myself away in the office for about an hour told Husband, he too, freaked out in a man way. We talked things over, and decided we shouldn't get too worked up until the next day.

Soooo... Wednesday morning we called and got the confirmation. We were not pleased, to say the least. It just seemed so inconceivable that we would have to deal with this! Male Factor Infertility!?!? This thought had crossed my mind, but not in a legitimate way. I was just so sure it was me! Me with all the spotting, and the crazy cycle symptoms! ME! Not Husband, he shouldnt have to deal with this...neither should I, but I don't want it to be him :(

Now, after I let this sink in for a bit, I got into my normal mode...RESEARCH! I was looking up everything, EVERYTHING! And from what I have learned over the past couple of days there are options, and hope...quite a bit of both actually :D

We are thinking that our most likely option is going to be Interuteran Insemination (IUI), which is covered by my insurance luckily, and possibly In Vitro (IVF) which is not covered! Side note...I have been doing all kinds of bragging about my insurance and how it's super good, and what kind of cruel irony would have me have to get like the one treatment that isn't covered!?!?! argggg!!! okay...calm down, count to ten....alright, better. There is a slight chance that he might not be producing at all but I am ignorning that since it's not a very likely thing. He goes back in to give another "specimen" on Wednesday morning, and those test results take TWO WEEKS! How many two week waits (tww) do I need in my life? Apparently at least one additional one...
They will hopefully be able to figure out more details about the issue then.

So. Here I am...Here we are. Husband and I, infertile (although the receptionist at the RE clinic told Husband we were "the cutest couple ever"), so I guess we are "cute" and infertile...just what we always wanted to be right?


In my research I have come across an amazing book that I highly recommend to all those going through anything vaguely similar to me.
Here it is, The Infertility Survial Handbook : Everything You Never Thought You'd Need to Know (understatement of a lifetime!)




I know this is so much more I wanted to say in this blog, but it's late, and I'm tired, and since I have seriously fallen off the diet wagon this past week (I eat my feelings) I am going to attempt to get up and get back to the gym tomorrow, and back on my diet Monday...wish me luck!

OH! And to my friends out there who have listened to me cry and complain over the past week (and past 13 months!!!) Thank you so much... I love you guys so much, and you are the reason I am still sane. Love you! <3