Monday, July 6, 2009

Social Acceptability Disorder

Hopefully I'm making this disorder up, if I'm not, and you have it, sorry in advance.

So, As you know, I teach. In the summer when school is out, I teach swim lessons. Well, today as I walked through the gym I teach at back to the pool I teach in, I noticed that one of the regular little girls that attends summer camp was sans brother. I asked her where he was, and she answered "Oh, he's getting breakfast with Dad, then he has a checkup". Fair enough, I thought, and went about my business. Later on, Brother shows up. Brother (6 yrs old btw) walked over to me, and I asked how he was doing. I noticed one of his eyes was a bit puffy. I said "uh oh, allergy time huh? Did the doctor give you medicine." His straight-faced response, "oh that's not why I was at the doctors, I was there cuz of my weiner". My response "well, that's a bummer! I hope it gets better soon", we changed the subject. All I could think was wow, when do we gain the sense of social acceptability?

Suddenly I realized something. I think we (most of us, maybe not men) get a good grasp of social acceptability around 10. Then I realized something else... MY sense of that was GONE!

In the last year and a halfish or so, I have totally lost site of how to be tactful. I realized I have, with a straight face said things like "oh, yea, we had lots of sex at first", or "yup, I just prop my legs right under the pillow, oh yea! For at least 30 minutes". Then it got worse... it turned into "So, after they take a snip right out of his balls, they'll examine that" or "So, on the cycle day 3, I do the bloodwork, then after that it's some vaginal ultrasounds blah blah blah"

HOW FREAKING INAPPROPRIATE! And I don't just say this to my best friend. This is stuff I've explained to my parents, Hubby's parents, people who casually ask. My father doesn't live near me, and I tend to not keep him super informed on my life, but for some reason I felt it totally acceptable to explain the how Hubby and I had been diagnosed, this included details of the year of trying, and the testing.

So, why do IF's do this? Why is it totally acceptable to IM a fellow IFer and as them how their cycle is, or if they BDed last night? or how their "CM" is doing since it's about CD12...

WHY? Well, I'll give you my rationale. It has two parts. Part one is why we talk to other IFs... we want to know others are going through it. We want to know that we aren't the only ones stressing about our current cycle, about how our Hubby's are dealing ect ect. Everyone already knows this part.

Part two, at least for me, is the fact that when something happens, I just want to be informed. There hasn't been a problem in my life (or my family's life) in the last 5 years that I haven't googled within 10 minutes of hearing what the problem is. I assume others feel the same way. This assumption (ohhh to assume... I don't need to share the antidote, I think we all know it), I'm realizing, is wrong. I don't think people actually want to know, in detail, what goes on with mine and my hubby's sex life. I think some people, my besties and fellow IFs sometimes want to know, but the woman I haven't seen in 6 months who asks "how the baby making is coming... she probably doesn't (and doesn't need to).

I'm going to make an effort to keep a better handle on what I say from now on. To keep it more on the "we are actually getting ready to start fertility treatments" level, rather than the "so then they put a catheter into my uterus" level. We'll see how this turns out...but to help myself remember, I'm just going to keep the awkwardness of a six year old explaining his "weiner" problems in mind.

Bye Lovelies!!

1 comment:

  1. haha. I had a similar moment when I stopped to re-play in my head what I'd just told my mom...hmm. Decided to keep a "slightly" tighter lid on the details while keeping friends and family informed of the basics.
    Its true though, what becomes commonplace and constantly on our IF minds is not common at all to everyone else! Oh the lingo we know now - its like a second language ;)


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